As we finish Thanksgiving and head into Christmas, I’m looking forward to spending lots of time with family. For some, family gatherings can be a joyful and peaceful time, but for others it can be very painful. This reflection is actually a great segway into the next leg of our journey.
What or who defines you?
Does a situation from the past define who you are? Does a specific person define who you are? Does your job or what you do as a career define who you are? In August, we began our journey with looking at who God says we are. Because quite frankly, I don’t think we can successfully evaluate ourselves without knowing who God says we are. We talked about the perceptions and beliefs we have about ourselves. We talked about how many of our core beliefs were formed as children and as we grew into adulthood, we form new beliefs and update old ones. As you studied the scriptures of who God says you are over the past couple of months, did they help you to have a different view of yourself? What changes did you make as a result of the knowledge of how God sees you? Did the scriptures encourage you to do something different than what you were doing before? If so, let us know at http://www.livingstonesinc.org/praisereport.html
We now see how God views us; let’s see who you yourself say you are. Some of our beliefs are healthy ones and some may be non-rational ones. What you believe about yourself defines who you are. Are any of those beliefs non-rational beliefs leftover from childhood? So, what are non-rational beliefs? These are beliefs that we formed as children from what adults told us (what we accepted from our caretakers about ourselves). That childhood self-concept was formed with immature cognitive conclusions and early emotional experiences, and when these childhood beliefs are not updated as we transition into adulthood, they become non-rational beliefs.
We are going to look at some common childhood beliefs which, when you continue to act upon them, can create great amounts of stress. You perhaps at one point held these beliefs and, when received as truth in the present, can create problems, self-defeat, and even illness. Look at each non-rational, stressful belief and decide if the current clues are present in your life. If they are present, that’s okay—it’s simply an indicator of the presence of a non-rational belief that you may want to modify by choosing another belief, and I will also give you some healthy beliefs to try instead.
Non-rational, Stressful Belief No. 1
Having love, recognition and approval from my family, friends, co-workers, and peers is important. If I don’t please people, they may choose to reject, criticize, or abandon me.
Key Clues
• Fears possible rejection or disapproval from others
• Ignores or feels ambivalent about an existing relationship
• Feels a lack of recognition
• Fears blame or criticism
• Jealousy
• Always does “the extras” or feels compelled to do so
• Is afraid to say “no”
• Always wants peace and harmony at any price
• Fears what people will think
• Always obeys without questioning
• Always meets perceived deadlines
• Always tries to be nice
An example for this stressful belief might be that every time you say yes when you really wanted to say no—or if on those rare occasions when you do say no you feel guilty—you are responding irrationally from your non-rational belief system. When this happens, you become stressed and you begin to tolerate this feeling. This is what many call “the disease to please.” A healthy goal might be to focus on self-love, self-appreciation, and believe who God says you are. You will want to recognize that the likelihood of getting love, approval, and recognition from family, friends, and peers all the time is practically zero. People are, at best, irregular and inconsistent with their approval and caring. The most important thing for you to know is that God loves you and because He created you, He wants you to love yourself.
Scriptures to Study
Ephesians 2:10 – “For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”
Psalm 139:1-4 - “O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.”
John 4:10 – “This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.”
Click here for more non-rational, stressful beliefs.
Here's a great resource from Beth Moore for getting out of the pit when life gets you down. You can purchase it from the Livingstones Resource Center.
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